It's been a while - I wonder how many years have gone by.
Look. I'm not writing this letter to you - my future self, hopefully my better self ... Hell, I don't even know why I'm writing it. I have a surprisingly large amount of things to say but as it has been for the past few months, I lack the words to say it all.
First off, I hope you're still alive. I know ... I know you've gone through some hard times and I know that we will likely go through even more. After all, that's life, isn't it? Just a collection of falls and the measurement of your will to stand back up. You're a fighter, always have been and likely always will be. But that doesn't mean that you don't hurt. Trust me, amor, I know how badly you've hurt. I know that you have taken a knife against your skin and breathed a sigh of relief when blood pooled from the cut. I know that you've struggled with depression and may even be struggling with that now. I know that you've struggled and probably still are struggling with your identity - personal and otherwise.
Don't give up on love, ok? I know - weird thing for your teenage-self to be saying but it is worth it. The pain, the tears, the nights spent looking up at the ceiling wondering why you fucking cared. It is worth it. She may never love you back, but that is ok.
It is ok to cry, future self. I know for so many years you'd gone without shedding a tear, I know of the nights you spent wishing you could cry only to find yourself incapable of doing so. It is ok to let go and just be for a little while. A scary concept, I know.
I don't know if you will still have anger problems whenever you read this but if you do ... try not to get angry at the little things, ok? I know that sometimes it feels like your anger is going to consume you but you will prevail. You are strong. I know you are.
I hope you're doing well in life. I love you. I know sometimes you may hate yourself but you are a beautiful person, ok? I. Love. You. I love your little tendencies and your scars - be they physical, emotional or mental. I will love you whether you are straight, gay, bisexual, transsexual - I will always love you.
Now, wipe those tears from your eyes because I know you are crying darling. Go out and enjoy today. Talk to that person you've been crushing on, write a new poem, do something that you enjoy doing. And remember, amor, that you are worth so much more than you think you are.
You hear me? You. Are. Worth. It.
Now, on a different note; I hope you found the college you wanted to go to, have a nice studio apartment and live somewhere we've always wanted to. Did you travel abroad during college? Heck, what college did you go to? Meet anyone (be they male, female or whatever exits in-between)? If yes, what are they like? Let me guess, they have beautiful eyes, huh? We always were suckers for pretty eyes. Did you get that tattoo to represent the family? How about the ones the pays tribute to the military? Speaking of which - did you join the military? Police force?
Alright, I'm done with the questions. Te amo.
Your (curious) past